XXI

Today, I was let go from Penn Mutual. To be quite honest. I saw it coming in a sense, but it still surprised me and the suck factor was still present.

Let me start at the beginning; this morning, woke up with this renewed sense of acceptance. I felt mystical and relaxed in my own skin. I felt ready to accept it all and work through everything that is happening at work and focus on the fact that I get to help at this event (On February 18th Mallory asked me to help promote the company at an event, which was going to take place at River’s Casino). The awards ceremony is something that I was excited about attending. I just wanted to accept this position and hope that it would soon be better.
Well, I got a shower, went into work, and made my coffee, sat down to eat my yogurt, and work on project for Erin. She asked me to make folders, and get a copy of the documents for her from the copier. Okay, no problem. I finished my yogurt, got up and went to the copier and put the papers, in the tray, when Mark came around the corner and asked me to come into his office. I said, “Oh okay.” When it comes to Mark, you can never tell if it is a joke or if it is serious.
When I walked into his office, I shut the door behind me, and took a seat across from the desk. He told me this wasn’t going to work out, he said, that he could tell that I  wasn’t happy and that he likes me as an individual, but something is not clicking, I am not listening to Erin and Chrissy, and how they are trying to help me, etc. I just let him talk.
When it was my turn, I simply let him have it and I cleared my mind and said, “Mark, it’s not that I am miserable here. It’s just I don’t know how to get along with Chrissy. She never has time to train me on anything, which she admitted herself. All the the things she has what she did trained me on, I feel as though I am doing well on it, if I had any questions I asked her. She doesn’t need to hover over me, and micromanage me like she does. She did say I wasn’t 100% okay, so if I am not what else can I do? And if I am doing better than tell me, so I know if I am on the right track or not. It is her fault that I am not getting better. He didn’t say anything. I took a breath and then said, “I went to Erin about it numerous times and nothing comes from my conversations with Erin. Chrissy is still the same and in the future, you might want to consider the fact that Chrissy is not management material. She doesn’t have the time to be or the personality to be.” I didn’t think he knew what to say, because he likes Chrissy. He is too afraid to do anything about her and so is Erin, so he went on telling me what else I was doing wrong. Mark said, okay, but you were applying for jobs, I said yes, I am writer. I was looking for moonlighting writing jobs to do on the side, as a hobby. (total lie, but so what) she shouldn’t be creeping over my shoulder it is none of her business.” He said, Okay, well I have your term letter here, good luck to you. I said, “Okay, do you need me to sign anything? He said, Nope. I said alright, I took the letter and walked past Chrissy. I didn’t pay her any attention. He offered to help me with anything. I said no thank you, I am good. He said, are you sure? I said, “Yes.” Erin came around the corner. I gave her my keys and she said, I am sorry. I said, “it’s okay, your copies are on the copier.” She offered me her help.  I said, “no thank you.” I got it. I didn’t want anyone to help. I never needed it.

However, I will admit I was a bit blinded. I felt like I was ready to take it on and just deal with it and be accepting of the situation, well I guess that’s not what the universe had in mind for me, so I dedicate this entry to the snow moon. I have read up on the snow moon and it is a symbol of change and enlightenment. The snow moon, is a symbol of change and it will bring about a newness, so I am interested to see what is next. I am not sad, but I am not going to deal with what happened between Drew and I the last time this happened. Either he is with me or against me in this. Life is going to happen shit is going to occur. Are you going to stand next to me through this? Or are you going to be the reason why we argue? All I know is I am not looking forward to being in this house, all the time and I am back to searching for jobs again, only this time I am steering clear of anything that has potential for me to be cuffed to a front desk. I have considered different areas, retail AGAIN, substituting, etc. I have an interview tomorrow for a marketing and sales firm, I am not sure what to expect or what is going to happen here, but I am pretty sure I know what that interview tomorrow is going to be like, but it is practice. Luttner even called me. I know people who used to work at Lutner and now they work at Penn Mutual. No thank you, I will pass.

However, when I think back to my first week at Penn Mutual, I remember Chrissy being a little envious of the light that I brought to that office. Prior to working at Penn Mutual,, my most recent position was with iHeart Media. I was the receptionist. I also did some on-air work and read some scripts for clients. One of the clients, was Blush night club. I saved all my ads that I recorded on my phone. I was proud that my voice was on the radio. When word got around the office about my ads at Penn Mutual, Mark wanted me to play them all the time for people in the office including the President of Penn Mutual. Chrissy asked me if i thought that was a good idea. Why can’t I have my time in the spotlight? Especially as a new kid on the block? Women can be so hard to work with sometimes, and I get it, but I just don’t like it.

Since being gone from Penn Mutual, I have learned a few things about myself and that situation. I just needed to apply them to my next adventure.